Slowed

Oh, head cold, you have such a knack for slowing me down. Pressure and congestion and coughing... I am not a pretty sight this morning. As my sister put it after I was dressed for the day, "You look really nice, except for your face." Throw together a handful of nights of too little sleep (and restless sleep, at that), some unexpected traveling and emotionally trying days and we have pitch perfect circumstances for getting under the weather.

One thing I will say about colds though, they are masters at making me settle down. I've wondered if anytime I catch a bad cold, God's been trying to calm me down for a while but I miss His subtlty and so He allows for a more direct tactic. I wouldn't put it past Him... or me. So, I'm giving in. Under a dizzy fog of Dayquil, I will lay low. I will rest. I will enjoy a few simple comforts - a favorite blanket, a mug of tea, a bowl of chicken soup. And I will wait.

I wouldn't be surprised if that's precisely the point the Lord is trying to make with me. Waiting: what I am not doing when I get ahead of myself, whether it be in actions taken or in mindsets and expectations; what I am not doing when I attempt to shape God's will, letting Him know what He ought to be accomplishing in my life; what I may do better under duress of a head cold and a dosage of humility.

Standards & Practices

I'm currently reading the Catholic novel, Fatherless, by Brian Gail. Important, compelling subject matter; potentially rich cast of characters; horribly disappointing quality of writing. I am so frustrated with this novel! With so little authentically Catholic literature being written and published today, it is beyond aggravating to read a novel with such squandered potential. I'm trusting that in the end I will be glad I read it, as some friends have claimed, but getting there is getting under my skin.

Okay, I'll admit it. Amongst the most frustrating aspects of reading this book is the reality that this is published and my book is not. I am not claiming that my novel is perfect or reaches its fullest potential or even touches on subject matter as compelling as what is found in Fatherless. Yet I can't help but ask no one in particular how a book with such poor narration, confusing timelines, weak character development and further flaws was accepted for publication and mine has been only rejected? Jealousy is rearing its ugly head. I'd be lying if I denied that.

Silver lining though - and this is what I choose to dwell on when the jealousy or frustration are making themselves felt: I have so much fresh motivation! Motivation to continue editing, to hold myself to higher and higher standards as I learn more of the craft of writing, to dedicate myself to this work that I love. And motivation to trust that the Lord will not deem this work fruitless. By His grace and timing, and my continued perseverence and effort, it will bear the fruit it is capable of bearing. I will serve Him by this work. I will follow through on the desires and hope He has created in me.

"Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." (Romans 12:11)